


P&P Drabbles with Absolutely No Bearing on the Story

by baruffio



Series: Prophecy and Pride [2]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23225272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baruffio/pseuds/baruffio
Summary: There's a lot of moments that aren't featured in "Prophecy and Pride" but were imagined or developed during the writing process. If you enjoy the story, these are probably right up your alley! I would suggest reading "Prophecy and Pride" first; for some of these drabbles, you'll need the story to make sense of it!
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej, Shane Madej/Sara Rubin
Series: Prophecy and Pride [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1669921
Comments: 10
Kudos: 40





	1. In Which Ryan Loses Immense Respect for Demons and Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's extra!  
> *raises hand Hermione Granger style*
> 
> I'm attaching a timeline for each of these drabbles because it might get really confusing otherwise. The timeline is color-coded! Red is real-world stuff, white is events from the main story, and blue is moments from this little drabble sequel.

“Oh, wow,” Ryan says. “Big turn out.” He looks around the circle. He had thought that possibly five or six might show. He had not expected thirty-eight. He doesn’t have enough chairs. This is a logistical nightmare.

“It’s an urgent issue,” Meredith wails. Ryan eeks a face. It’s hard not to eek a face at Meredith and her dangling eyeball. She could totally pop that sucker back into her skull, but noooooo, she’s got to manifest all spooky-like. 

“Yeah,” Ryan says. “Just let me check real fast: who’s here because they feel personally victimized by Shane Madej?”

Thirty-seven hands and one hoof shoot into the air, and Ryan throws up a weakass smile in a mediocre attempt to cover his building alarm. 


	2. In Which Curly Takes the New Kid Under His Wing

Curly could recognize that particular glazed expression in his sleep.

“Op,” Curly says. “We are  _ not  _ doing that here, sweety.”

“Doing what?” Shane asks dazedly.

“That face. Come on, new boy, snap out of it.” Curly grabs Shane by the cheeks to forcefully turn his head away from the dance floor. Shane’s eyes are dilated so much that Curly would honestly be surprised if he’s not a little bit high. 

Shane’s eyes flicker to Curly before rolling resolutely back to the dance floor.

“I know, I know,” Curly says sympathetically, tapping Shane’s knee to give him a little grounding. “Just wait ‘til he breaks out his boy band dance moves. We won’t stand a chance.” 

Shane sighs and sags against Curly, and Curly tucks him under his arm. “We won’t?”

“Nope,” Curly says with total honesty. The good lord knows that when Ryan broke out his Thriller moves at the Halloween party, Curly had simpered. Curly doesn’t simper. 

Under the disco ball, Ryan trails tinsel as he moves flawlessly from a shuffle step to Roger Rabbit, Santa hat flopping over his forehead. Curly and Shane groan.

“I’m Shane,” Shane says, still entranced by the force of nature backing it up across the dance floor.

“I’m Curly,” Curly answers. Damn it, he’s staring too. He tears his eyes away. “He’s a real smart-ass, so you’ll get over it fast.”

“Damn,” Shane groans. “That’s my type.”

“Ohhhh, honey,” Curly coos. He pats Shane on the shoulder. Shane miserably knocks back another beer.


	3. In Which Ryan Makes Friends By Being a Food Connaisseur

“I’m getting excited just smelling this,” Ryan says. “Such a great idea.”

“It’s one of my favorites,” Steven says, smiling at his collection of banh baos. He’s not quite sure why Ryan has been inviting him to basketball and asking for restaurant recommendations, but he’s not opposed to it. Ryan’s cool. He’s also pretty weird, but c’est la vie. Everyone has their own quirks. It’s just that Ryan’s are--

Steven’s brain stutters to a stop and he gapes in abject horror as Ryan all but unhinges his jaw like a boa constrictor and stuffs three quarters of a bun down his throat.

“It’s really good!” Ryan says, or at least Steven thinks Ryan says. It’s honestly hard to tell between how muffled Ryan’s voice is and how distasteful he looks with bits of steamed bun dangling from his mouth. “The flavor is exceptional!”

“Yeah,” Steven says, modeling how to eat a banh bao daintily. He feels like Belle in that one scene in Beauty and the Beast. Ryan completely misses Steven’s guidance and crams his second steamed bun with zero hesitation. Steven politely averts his eyes and resolves to only ever do takeout with Ryan from here on out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ryan totally feels like he's nailing this interaction. All he has to do is eat food and talk about flavor, right?


	4. In Which Sara Is The Best, Most Super Supportive Girlfriend Ever

“I wanna see if I can guess,” Sara says. She pauses for a moment, head tilted to the side so her curls dangle and rotate little half-turns. "Tom.”

“Obviously,” Shane shrugs. “That’s a given.”

“Hmmm.” Sara closes an eye and lines up her fingers to frame Shane’s head. “Gotta get in your head.”

Shane sticks out his tongue, leans forward and past her knees, and kisses the tip of her nose. “You’re stalling.”

Sara shoves Shane back. She crosses her arms over his knees and perches her chin on top of her wrists. The majority of her body is leaning against Shane’s shins. 

“You like ‘em short.”

“Everybody’s short from up here.”

Sara huffs a breath in his face. “Scarjo.”

“Ehh--”

“Scarjo topping.”

“Better, but still no.”

“It’s going to be some obscure...oh, definitely Gyllanhaal. Duh.”

“I mean, if I had to, I definitely wouldn’t be complaining.”

“Come on, who else?”

“It’s just the one.”

“Yeah, just--”

“Tommy C,” Sara snorts, just as Shane says, “Ryan.”

Sara wriggles closer. “Oooh. Gosling? Reynolds?”

Shane freezes up. “Sure.”

“Not fair, Shane. I told you. You gotta tell me.”

“I didn’t ask you to tell me. You just started spilling.”

“I mean, we’re in LA,” Sara shrugs. “It was gonna come up. Which Ryan?”

“The straight one.”

“That’s like, 90% of the Ryans. That narrows down nothing.”

Shane is clutching a couch pillow like a shield. “Do you remember when we first started dating?”

“That was literally last month. Of course I do.”

“And I said I had a crush on someone, but it would never pan out, so I’d like to try with you but I wasn’t sure if I’d be completely emotionally available?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s Ryan.”

Sara stares at him in sudden, sharp realization. “Bergara?”

“Bingo,” Shane says weakly. 

“That wasn’t a bit?”

Shane’s eyebrows furrow. “No, it wasn’t a bit.”

“Oh, honey,” Sara says sympathetically. “Oh, Shane. He turned you down hard. I thought--”

“Nope!” Shane says. He grabs Sara’s hands. “I’m just grateful that my Prince Charming came in and swept me off my feet.” He presses a kiss to her fingertips. Sara plucks at his lip and laughs when it makes a little farting noise. “I’ve got a horrible taste in men. Just ask Katie Holmes. Or Nicole Kidman. Or Mimi Rogers.”

“Ryan doesn’t know what he’s missing,” Sara says. She’s definitely not complaining. Shane is fun, profound but not egotistical, and an absolute dork. Ryan’s loss is her gain. Nothing against Ryan, of course. She hits Shane with a wicked smile. "If he ever comes around, we could split ya, Long Legs."

“Thanks,” Shane says dryly. “Let’s talk about something else.”

Sara tackles him. And if her dirty talk is a little sports-bally that tonight, neither she nor Shane are gonna mention it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Sara first saw Shane and Ryan's interactions, she didn't feel at all threatened by Shane's crush on Ryan. But as their dynamics changed, it started to seem like a possibility, and eventually, as an inevitability. Just before "Prophecy and Pride" starts, Sara talks to Shane about her insecurities and he promises he would never ever ever cheat on her, not even for Ryan. By the end of "Prophecy and Pride," she decides that, despite how much she loves Shane, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone with clearly split interest. She's also feeling pretty weirded out about the whole demon thing. Like, what's up with that?


	5. In Which There Is Vengeful Costuming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning:  
> horniness and swears

Vengeance is so, so incredibly sweet.

Yeah, Shane’s got enough huevos to admit that it was plenty embarrassing to have recorded footage of him staring speechlessly at Ryan coming out of a hotel bathroom dressed like Indiana Jones. It’s just that Ryan _knows_ that Indiana Jones is a thing for him, and Shane’s brain had totally melted at the never-before-considered thought of Ryan dressed like the sexiest, most Nazi-ass-kicking artifact finder in all of cinematic history. In all honesty, Shane’s also a bit pleased because it means that he can replay the transformation of Ryan’s nerves into smug swagger at Shane’s flusteredness whenever they have weekends apart.

Whether or not Shane gets anything out of the treasure hunt footage is neither here nor there. It’s all about the fact that Ryan went all impish and pulled out that look while Shane was repping the dad-on-a-safari style. He caught Shane unprepared, and Shane can’t let that go unanswered. And, see, uh, the thing is, Shane really doesn’t do anything in small measures. And Ryan actually leaving that footage in the episode? He’s practically pleading for payback.

“You in here? Lee just brought his car by for the curbside shoot so we got...we gotta...” He trails off, dumbfounded.

“Hey, _Ryan_ ,” Shane says, emerging the rest of the way from the bathroom stall only to lounge against the separator. He adds a little bit of zip to Ryan’s name because Ryan is a total sucker for those sorts of details. 

“Fuuuuuck,” Ryan croaks. He’s not being subtle about giving Shane the full up and down. “You... uh...that’s a look. You got an audition for Scarface?”

“What's that?” Shane says encouragingly, running a thumb along the side of his top fastened button, which happens to be somewhere around his solar plexus. “You looking, Bergara?”

“Yeah,” Ryan says earnestly. “Fuck yes, I’m definitely looking.” He takes a staggering step forward and Shane quickly puts a hand up.

“We’re still at work, Ryan.” He lifts an eyebrow. “Anyone could just... _walk in_.”

“I know,” Ryan groans, and fucking hell, Shane can see Ryan vibrating like an excitable little chihuahua. Ryan’s exhibitionistic edge is definitely sending him through the roof right now. Shane should bring him back to earth.

Instead, Shane tangles his fingers in his stage jewelry chains and tugs slightly, baring his chest a little more and keening a little at the feel of the cold chain moving. Hey, he’s not immune. Ryan’s standing right in front of him, looking hella nice in his big-time celebrity outfit, looking at Shane like he’s Ryan’s next (and highly anticipated) meal. Of course Shane’s feeling affected.

“And now, well now I’m embarrassed,” Shane drawls, gesturing leisurely at Ryan. “I totally misread the costume directions.”

“You read it right,” Ryan rumbles. He’s an absolutely adorable little ball of tenacious sexual tension and Shane wishes he had figured out how to rig his phone to record this reaction. 

“So you said it’s time to film the intro?” Shane asks innocently. He walks right up to Ryan. “Let’s roll, baby.”

“ _Shane_ ,” Ryan begs. 

Shane manages to palm a handful of Ryan’s ass before he scurries through the door and busts his tail down the hall, Ryan close on his heels.

Later, after filming, and after the after-filming--if you know what he means, wink, wink, nudge, nudge--they come to the mutually beneficial agreement to not pull out costumes at work. Or at least, not the engine-revving costumes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The costumes are from:  
> -The Treacherous Treasure Hunt of Forrest Finn  
> \- Postmortem - Forrest Finn Q&A  
> -Postmortem - Mission Solano Q&A
> 
> These dorks totally painted Vision costumes so they could have dead-Vision costumes.


	6. In Which Ryan Cannot Believe How Much of an Ignorant, Oblivious Fool His Coworker Is (But It's a Little Too Soon to Burn Through Another One)

“If you want to kill Ryan,” Shane says with excessive cheer, “turn the flashlight off.”

“Kill him?” Sallie muses in a saccharine voice from the counter. She points one of her stockinged feet consideringly at Ryan. “That would be fun.” She says it like it’s a delicacy, and Ryan is waging a full on mental battle to stop his legs from carrying him out the door and down the street.

The flashlight dims and trepidation renders Ryan temporarily lightheaded. Then Sallie giggles and the flashlight turns off completely. 

Ryan screams his terror into the dark as he scrambles to look through the night vision camera. Sallie is still sitting on the counter, shrieking with laughter. Shane, the absolute ignorant dick, is cackling like this is all an elaborate and well-orchestrated prank. Ryan  _ hates _ him so much. 

He hates him even more half an hour later.

“ROCK N’ ROLL, BUCKAROO!” Shane roars from the center of a pentagram, arms raised in the classic “come at me, bro” gesture.

Even Sallie looks a little shaken. “Your human is a real simpleton. You want me to take him off your hands? I could do with a protegee.”

“No!” Ryan yelps. He can’t skip through two co-hosts so quickly. That’ll mess with how much the audience's attachment to the show. 

Shane turns to face him, beaming enthusiastically, with a double thumbs up.  “No?”

“No,” Ryan repeats firmly.

“I could--” Sallie offers. 

Ryan bodily hauls Shane out of the pentagram. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the beginning, Ryan realizes that he's gonna have to do his research to prevent Shane from discarding his soul willy-nilly on set. The stress level gets much more manageable when he realizes how whiny and nostalgic most ghosts and homebound demons are.


End file.
